2 down, 4 to go....

I'm so burnt out at this point it's ridiculous. I'm so glad that our clinicals were done before Thanksgiving....I don't think I could've handled anything else with 6 tests in 6 days! Not sure how I did yesterday on Pharm but I think that the group grade will definitely help. I passed my skills test today so I was relieved about that....although I would've been ok with the 74 too. I had good graades on all my quizzes so it wouldn't have killed me.

I have no idea how I'm going to do on NC1 tomorrow. I haven't done any reading for this class at all. I'm going to do the questions from The Point website and go over the powerpoint slides and look up the stuff she wrote up on the board yesterday. I'm not really stressed about it though since I just studied it more in depth for Pharm. I really like how we are learning the same things in both classes....makes studying for 2 classes a little easier since it's a lot of the same material. I hope that helps me tomorrow!

I'm really anxious to see how we're going to get 150 points of quizzes in Pharm when we have only had 2 quizzes! That's stressing me out a little but I'm hoping for the best.

I'm praying for strength to get through the next 4 tests. Thank God I don't have clinicals like most of the others in class. Having 4 weekends in a row sucked but having 4 days off in a row is quite nice for these last two weeks.

The reward for all my hard work is to take my daughter to Disney for a few days. We are leaving Wednesday the 15th and coming back the 17th...then I get to go to my boyfriend's Christmas party on the 18th. I'm excited. I get to see my very good friend and her family. I was supposed to meet her at Disney in May but she had to cancel when she got diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of April. She has since had a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation. She is coming down to celebrate the end of her radiation and her daughter's birthday. I'm so excited to see her PLUS my boyfriend might actually get to meet them too! He has training class in Orlando the same time I'm there so hopefully when his class is over for the day he can maybe meet up with us and have dinner or something. If all goes well this will be a wonderful, relaxing, laughter-filled mini-break. I'm so excited!

Today was a bad day....

Today was a really bad day. Starting with the oncology video we watched in NC1 was really depressing. I have a lot more of the cancer precursors and stuff than I realized. I will probably end up having some kind of cancer before I die. Then the quiz in Pharmacology. Yes, I'm grateful that she was "nice" enough to let us know ahead of time but I didn't find out till this morning and had an hour to study at lunch. Melinda and I went over the questions at the beginning of each of the 5 powerpoints she posted and luckily one of the questions was directly from it.

I got really mad that she didn't put the trade name on the quiz like she originally said she would. I would've gotten the insulin correct if it said Humalog. That made me mad.

Today I really questioned whether I was cut out for this. I rocked my clinicals this weekend passing meds and everything but this reading and stuff is killing me. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.

I came home and cried for like an hour. I realize 4/6 on a quiz isn't that bad...it's a 66 but it's better than the 0 I probably would've gotten had we had NO notice. It still sucks though. I feel like I'm going to fail this class because she teaches us NOTHING and we're expected to know EVERYTHING. I'm not going to study for it till she gives us the study guide and then I'm going to make flash cards for all the drugs we need to know on Thursday and Friday and have them with me to study during lunch break at clinicals.

Charlie was sweet and came out to see me because I was so upset. He boosted me up when I really needed it. As much as I don't deserve it sometimes he is really good to me. He told me I wasn't going to quit. He knows I can do this and he's not going to let me quit. He said that I was smart enough to learn 60% of the material in an hour and I should be proud of that. I never looked at it that way. He also said that the teacher is trying to test us to see how people handle stress and who is doing the work.

I know I'm not doing the work I need to be doing for that class. I'm trying to do all the med-surg reading and understanding that and it's consuming all my time. I still dont feel like I have all that grasped and we have a test in two days.

I just hate all this work. Fundamentals spoiled me because I didn't have to do nearly as much work then as I do now. It's frustrating because I know that we have to know something about drugs and all that but bottom line is everything is available to us on the computer or in our book when we're at hospital to look up things when we need to. I don't see how knowing that something blocks the HMG-CoA enzyme or whatever is going to mean anything to me. Might as well be written in swahili. I don't understand it and all this technichal mumbo jumbo is over my head. All the teacher does is read the 100+ slides to us....she doesn't explain anything. It's frustrating!

UGH! Well, enough whining. Gotta pull up my big girl panties and suck it up and just do what I have to do to get through it.

I'm in reading purgatory!

I never thought I would have to read SO much in so little time. I had to make up a calendar of everything I had to do and when it was due so I could not feel so overwhelmed. It would've been easier to have an accurate pharmacology syllabus with the right dates on it....I had to piecemeal it together. At least the pharmacology chapters appear to be relatively short and easy to read (only 1 so far though). Med-Surg is NOT so easy to read.

Fundamentals was NOTHING compared to these two classes!

celebrate tonight....then back to it tomorrow

I'm so glad I passed. Got a C on final and B in the class but I'm happy. I went out with some "new" people after class and had fun. It was nice to talk to other people in the class. I love my group members but felt antisocial sometimes.

Tonight my bf took me out to celebrate too. I have one evening of no stress...then it starts back up tomorrow.

I was very glad the final was out of 80 points. I wasn't anticipating so many ethics questions so I missed most of them but I'm glad it was out of 80 questions instead of 50 or I would've failed!

I think tests that are 35 and 40% of your grade should definitely be out of at least 75 questions and preferably 100! That's a lot of pressure in only 50 questions.

I enjoyed Mrs. Zdamelio but sometimes hated coming to class because I felt like we weren't really tested on class material it was more from reading. It almost felt like a waste of time. I liked the nutrition project. I was confused on the reminiscence paper and would've liked to have had an example of what it was supposed to look like or how it was supposed to be written. God bless the learning commons writing center!

Overall I enjoyed the class. I liked the assessment lab but I ish it had eithwer been tacked on to class or lab. I didn't like having to wear my scrubs for 2 hours on a random day when nothing else was going on.

last fundamentals blog

I'm ready for the test to be over. I have the entire day off today and could've gone to St Marks with my daughter on a field trip but chose to stay home and study. Now wishing I would've gone with her since grandpa didn't go. He told her he was and then didn't go. She will be very upset. I have to let it go. I can't fix it now.

I enjoyed my class a lot and learned a ton. I can't believe it's final time already! I'm looking forward to NC I. I'm ready to start doing 2 day clinicals and being busy. Weekends will be different but it is only 4 weeks so not too bad. Wish I could go camping but it will have to wait till Thanksgiving I guess.

I will miss Mrs. Damelio. Not sure when or if she will teach us again but she made it interesting.

Good luck everyone!

Today was probably the hardest day thus far.....

Talking about grief and loss is never a pleasant topic but I felt compelled to share part of my story so that people realize that grief may hit you months....and even years....later. I had a really rough afternoon after I shared today. I know that Maternal/Infant is probably going to be THE TOUGHEST rotation for me. I always wanted 2 kids and to be done by the time I was 30. Well, I didn't have my first till I was 30 (because my now ex-husband took his sweet time deciding when the time was right) and by the time I had my miscarriage and surgery and everything he decided that he "didn't want to go through that again" so we stopped trying. A year later it was over but by then I was 35 which was my absolute cut-off for having a baby because of the greater chance of birth defects.

I told my boyfriend about it and went to see him on his lunch break for some much needed hugs. He is so wonderful and understanding. I wish HE were the father of my child....he's a lot better of a father than the one she has! He was surprised that I shared with everyone but I felt like I needed to. I was actually quite proud of myself that I didn't cry in class....my voice cracked but I held back the tears until I got to my car. Thank goodness it was a shorter class! :)

Yes, I would still love to have another baby because I LOVED being pregnant but it's not an option for me. My boyfriend has 2 children (13 and 7) and is not interested in having any more. At this point, with the kids the ages they are to start over would be a nightmare. They're self-sufficient and it's nice that we can just go do what we want....not to mention that we get a week off every other week to be grown-ups and NOT mom and/or dad. If we had a child together that would be 24/7 and we wouldn't get that time off. If by some miracle it happened then I'm sure we would be fine with it but it's not in the plans. We are not at a place in our lives where we want a baby. I'll just let my friends have them and go love on their babies and give them back for the 3 am feedings and teething and earaches!

I'm sure I will be sharing more stuff when it comes up in class. It does get easier but it's still pretty tough to think about. However, God has a reason and a plan and having another baby was not it at that time. Had I had it I would probably STILL be married and miserable and feeling completely trapped and I DEFINITELY wouldn't be in Nursing School! So...something good came out of my heartache and that's what I need to focus on. I'm a lot better off than I was 3 years ago or 2 years ago or even a year ago. I'm hoping the next 3.5 semesters fly by as quick as this first class did!

Good luck to everyone on clinicals this week and the final next week. I think my objectives keep multiplying in my bookbag. Just when I think I'm done 10 more pages appear I think!

The stress continues.....

Glad the weather is cooler. Wish it would improve a certain person's attitude. I wish I could afford to get an apartment for me and my daughter but even if I could I would still need help getting her to school with clinicals at 6:45 and class starting before her school starts. There's always something. Just have to keep telling myself it's temporary and as soon as I graduate I'm outta here! Considering Tampa/St. Pete/Sarasota area or Orlando.....more money and lots more for kids to do down there. Who knows what will happen in the next two years. Hope I have all my dreams come true but if not I have to do what I have to do for my and my daughter. Just have to keep the faith!

3 down.....1 to go.....for this term anyway!

I felt so good about clinicals today. I was not nearly as nervous about it today and I'm not sure why. I woke up with the thought of.....what would be worse - a completely dependent patient who can't do anything or someone in contact isolation? Thank God I got neither. The lady I had was wonderful and almost completely independent. I washed her back and feet and that was about it. She was lots of fun to talk to. The assessment was easy to do by watching her during her physical therapy and doing her bath and things. I got bowel sounds and lung and heart sounds. Did the neuro assessment and everything. NOW the fun begins with the write up and 3 pages of drugs.

Oh and I got my emergency loan today so that helped since my bank account was at $0.00! I picked up my daughter from school and we drove out to get the check. Then I took her to see where mommy spends all her time. I let her look in the window at the lab....had to be quick since there was a class going on at the time but we tried not to make noise or be too obvious.

Bad thing today was my boyfriend just texted me and said he is sick, vomiting, fever, chills and major stomach cramps. I feel so bad for him. I'm not with him tonight but I have been there since Friday night so I'm praying I don't get it! Hoping for his sake it's just a 24 hour stomach bug but with a fever I'm not so sure.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Tomorrow has to be better.....a whole day off

So no clinicals tomorrow. YEAH! I was looking forward to sleeping in but instead will be taking my daughter to school at 9. Then, after calling for 3 weeks to the dentist for cancellations they finally have one....tomorrow at 11 - so not enough time to go back home and nap. Plus I was supposed to have lunch with my bf but he has lunch at 11:30 on the other side of town so I don't know if I'll make it.

So much for my "day off"! I'll be running around like crazy.

Also found out today that my bf's schedule changed for this huge project at his work and instead of being tied up all weekend THIS weekend....it's going to be my birthday weekend instead. He did everything he could to make it any other weekend but his boss told him it had to be that weekend. Oh well. Guess it's good.....I can spend the weekend studying for the final that's gonna happen the following Wednesday! Still sucks though!

A huge sigh of relief....

I'm SOOOOOOOOO relieved. I got an 88 on the midterm. I'm so excited I can't stand it. Normally I would be beating myself up for not getting an A but an 88 is pretty darn good considering it was over 12 or 13 chapters of material I absorbed in 3.5 weeks. Yeah....I'll take an 88!

I was really nervous about clinicals this week but I survived despite all things stacked against me.....alarm being set for 5:45 PM instead of AM, getting stuck in the TINY elevator with 8 other people and bags and giving a naked old man a shower. I even got a good BP this time....it was high but that was normal for the patient.

My personal life is going MUCH better than it was last week so that's a huge weight off my back. I have my daughter this weekend and following week so another bright spot. YEAH!

I will be working on my paper this weekend....can't put it off any longer...and taking it to the Learning Commons on Monday to review. I finally found a decent article to use, now I just have to figure out how to START the paper. I vaguely recall Ms. Damelio saying it had to be written in third person but that's about it. Still not quite sure how we are supposed to work in a reference to this article. I guess I will write the paper, take it to LC and ask them how to work it in. I wish we could've seen one as an example just to know what it's supposed to look like. It has been 10 years since I've had to write a paper....I'm kinda rusty!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Day before midterm.....my brain is fried!

After two study sessions with my awesome group I feel pretty confident...hope it's not in vain. I did all the tests in the success book and did much better on them the second time after talking with the group about stuff.

I'm a little more nervous about this clinical just because I don't know what kind of patient to expect. With Westminster I was pretty sure it was gonna be an elderly person....with Rehab it could be ANYONE.

I had a pretty bad Sunday that kinda threw me for a loop but I pulled it together and got back on track. I have to keep my focus on school no matter what else is going on in the rest of my life. It's really hard to not become sidetracked with something I want so badly in my personal life but nursing is more important than anything else going on. I cannot fail! I WILL NOT FAIL!

Regardless of what is going on with anything else I have a lot of support from my family (finally) and my classmates. My boyfriend has been amazingly supportive and gave me the courage to actually pursue my dream again after 15 years. If it weren't for him I'm not sure I would've had the confidence to do this. He is amazing and supportive and I couldn't ask for a better partner to go through this crazy time with me. We have been through a lot together and this is just going to be one more hurdle we will get over together. I can't wait to be standing on that stage for pinning and look out and see my daughter, him and his family and my parents all there celebrating my accomplishment.

Keeping my eye on the prize!

Heather

Another week over

Wow....I survived my first clinical. I was so glad to have Katie in the room with me. It was much less nerve wracking. I enjoyed it way more than I thought I would.

I also enjoyed lab today. I LOVE my group. We had a great study session and I really feel like I'm "getting it". I passed my vital signs assessment and we learned about making beds and bed baths.

Oh....and good news. I responded to my mom's letter with a 7 page one of my own. She didn't say much to me for two days until last night when I was upset about something and didn't want to talk to her. She actually admitted that every thing I said in my response was right and she was sorry.

More good news....after clinicals my daughter's doctors office called and her bone age test was normal. What a HUGE relief. She said we should celebrate by going to Disney :) She cracks me up.

How much more can I handle?

UGH! So does 2 posts in 2 days make up for being a day late?

Today I went to assessment lab and learned respiratory assessment and practiced vital signs. Made a few people laugh and encouraged others. I was feeling pretty good. Went home, washed the love bugs off the car, took a shower and studied.

Had to take my 7-yo daughter to the doctor for her well child check up. I had concerns as she has been having some underarm odor for about the last 6 months (turned 7 in July). It started after she started drinking milk every day at school so I was wondering if it was the hormones in the milk or something. I asked the Nurse Practitioner about it and she said she would check her out and let me know what she thinks. So....I watch her examine my daughters chest and private areas, do a scoliosis check and then she tells me...."Well, she is starting to develop a little bit of breast tissue and she's getting an hourglass figure with very prominent hips." I'm sitting there trying not to see it but I do. It's too soon. She's too young. She told me she didn't expect her to start her period for at least two more years. That would be when I started mine...at 9, on Christmas Eve, in third grade! At least she would be 9 in 4th grade so that's a little better but still entirely too early. The NP is sending her for a bone scan to make sure her bone age is matching her chronological age. If she's maturing too fast and hits puberty too soon it can apparently stunt her growth and she won't reach her full adult height. She's already 50.5" tall at 7 (90th percentile) for her age but I don't want her to be that height for her adult life! If the bone age is off they will send her to an endocrinologist for further testing.

So....if that's not enough on my plate I end up in a screaming fight with my mom. I am currently living with my parents (at 36 yo) because I needed help with my daughter while I'm in school and financial aid wouldn't cover an apartment. I don't want to be here as it is but I have no choice right now. Anyway....my mom told me she would do my laundry for me to help me out. I NEVER ASKED NOR EXPECTED HER TO DO IT! Great, that's nice. I appreciate it. So last night when I got home from my boyfriends for the weekend I put my scrubs and a few shorts/shirts in the presorted piles she had. Tonight I discover when I went to put my daughters clothes in the hamper that my clothes are all there.

As I walked through the living room to go wash them she says "I'll do Kyra's clothes." I said, "Oh, but not mine?" She said that since I could go off and have fun all weekend and not let them see Kyra all weekend that I could do my own. Fine, just freakin let me know that. I was here for 3 hours this afternoon that I could've had it done. She didn't get out of the bed till 4:30 this afternoon. I was furious. She is doing a power trip and trying to put my daughter in the middle of it. She's mean and evil and I cannot stand it here. Thank God I have every other week with my boyfriend when we don't have our kids. That's my sanity saver. Otherwise I end up feeling like I'm in high school again and have to approve where I go and what I do through my parents. She doesn't care if I live here....she just wants my daughter. She doesn't understand the custody agreement doesn't include HER visitation. She is lucky that she sees her as much as she does because we live here every other week. Most grandparents are lucky to see their grandkids for holidays! I can't win. When I would let them keep her for a night and go to my boyfriends then I got a guilt trip about "She misses you. You don't care about her. You only care about yourself." So I take her with me (he has a daughter the same age and they're best friends) and then I get griped at because I'm taking her away from them! I can't win. Now I'm supposed to be studying and I just want to scream. I HATE IT HERE! How can I deal with this for the next two years. I have tried talking to her and telling her that I can't have these guilt trips and power plays for the next 2 years and she just doesn't get it. If I could win the lottery and didn't need my pell grant then perhaps my situation could change but right now I'm stuck. I have to make this sacrifice for the next two years to get help with my daughter but I just don't know how I'm gonna handle it. I'd almost rather live in my car than put up with this craziness. Now I basically hide out in my 12 x 12 room and hope she forgets I'm here.

Ok, sorry. Just ranting and worrying aloud. I'm very open about my life so apologies if I offend anyone.

Whoops!

So having a day off completely messed me up. I'm on the way home from the beach and it occurred to me that I was supposed to write yesterday. I hope I don't get in trouble. I'm not always near a computer so I don't think about it a lot.

I'm nervous about my clinical Thursday. I hope I get someone nice who will talk and share things.

My personal life is in a flux right now and I have some tough decisions to make that I don't want to deal with. I don't have time to be worried about other stuff besides school and my daughter. I need to stay focused on school. I'm so scared I'm not gonna pass. This 2 test deal is stressing me out. The test format is stressful too. I did the tests in the one book and didn't do well on any except for safety....guess that's good since safety is important!

Oh well...that's all for now.

First Impressions

Today was the first day of class and I feel A LOT better about it.  The fear of the unknown had me completely freaked out this summer!  I will write more later.....I'm a talker and will tell you anything but I will stick to the questions we were asked for now.

What made you want to be a nurse? I started TCC Nursing back in 1993 or 1994 but due to my other interests and lack of focus my grades didn't enable me to keep my student loans and I wasn't focused/dedicated enough to go to school full-time and try to work....so I got married and postponed my dreams.  Life happened, 2 divorces and a daughter later.....finances are worked out, grades are stellar now that I have a goal and I'm here.  I have always loved the medical field.  When Nursing didn't work out the first time I decided to do Medical Transcription training so I could be a Stay-At-Home mom....it was the best decision ever.  I have stayed in the medical field in one form or another since and I'm tired of being on the back end.  I want to be front line, hands on, in the room as it's happening....NOT typing what the doctor said happened.  I want to help people.  I want to be able to volunteer with the Red Cross and go to places that need nursing help like Katrina and Haiti.  I want to have a career that I'm proud up and that my child will be proud of.  I have wanted this for a long time but it just took a while for the pieces to fall into place and for me to get the courage, at 36, to go back to school and pursue my dream.

What type of nursing do you think you want to pursue? I would LOVE to be in the ER but it scares me.  I think I'm pretty good under pressure and can think on my feet.  I like the idea that it would be something different every day.  I do NOT want to work 8-5 in a doctor's office (for now) because that just seems boring.  I would prefer three 12-hour shifts at the hospital and have 4 days to spend with my daughter and going on field trips and participating with her.  She is going to miss out a lot with me over the next few years and I want to be there for her as much as possible.  Ultimately, when things slow down and she gets older I would like to work for the VA. 

What is your definition of a nurse? A nurse is there to not only administer meds and take vitals but also to listen.  It is the nurse's job to get to the root of the patient's problem.  The nurse is going to be the one who "picks up the pieces" when the doctor gives them the "death sentence" as well as share in the joy of the births and good news.  A nurse may be the one to laugh with you as well as hold your hand as you cry.  I don't want to feel like my patient's are "just a number".  I'm not saying I'm going to get personally involved with them but I don't want to just rush in, take vitals, dispense drugs and then tell them I'm sorry on my way out the door to the next patient.  I'm sure I'm probably delusional when thinking this way due to the time demands on the floor and the patient load but that's what I would like to do "in a perfect world".