1 day till 2nd Semester starts

I'm so very excited. The break was nice but I am ready to get back to having a routine.

I started seein a counselor two weeks ago and I had to laugh when he said, "You don't know how to relax, do you"? Uh....no. Pretty much I don't. The only time I can unwind and not think about stuff is when I'm with my boyfriend and we're hanging out. I finally got to truly relax New Years Day playing Sorry Sliders and Rook most of the day. I had a great time with him and his parents playing games. The kids were playing and watching movies and the grown ups got to hang out. I stayed in my PJs until 6pm when we decided to go to the store to get something for dinner.

Now I'm trying to get geared up for the next semester. I'm hoping that Mental Health will be pretty straightforward and Family will be a lot like NC1.

I'm nervous about how clinicals will be for mental health since we're mixing classes. I really hope we don't end up mixed up with the other class. They don't seem very friendly. I've only talked to a few of them but the rest just stare at us like we're aliens!

I vow to not be like that with the next group. We all wear the same scrubs - we're on the same team. Just because I got in a semester sooner doesn't make me any better than they are!

I can't believe at the end of this semester we will be halfway done! That's AWESOME! I wish we had classes over the summer so we could graduate in December but oh well. I have to take Micro so I don't get a big break anyway. Just have to make my financial aid money last through the summer so I don't have to get a job.

I am SOOOOOOOOO ready to graduate and get out of my living situation. My anger and frustration is at an all time high here. The only place I have to have any sanctuary is a 10x10 bedroom and even that doesn't stifle the loud TV and the louder screaming in the house.

Oh well....it's only temporary right?

2 down, 4 to go....

I'm so burnt out at this point it's ridiculous. I'm so glad that our clinicals were done before Thanksgiving....I don't think I could've handled anything else with 6 tests in 6 days! Not sure how I did yesterday on Pharm but I think that the group grade will definitely help. I passed my skills test today so I was relieved about that....although I would've been ok with the 74 too. I had good graades on all my quizzes so it wouldn't have killed me.

I have no idea how I'm going to do on NC1 tomorrow. I haven't done any reading for this class at all. I'm going to do the questions from The Point website and go over the powerpoint slides and look up the stuff she wrote up on the board yesterday. I'm not really stressed about it though since I just studied it more in depth for Pharm. I really like how we are learning the same things in both classes....makes studying for 2 classes a little easier since it's a lot of the same material. I hope that helps me tomorrow!

I'm really anxious to see how we're going to get 150 points of quizzes in Pharm when we have only had 2 quizzes! That's stressing me out a little but I'm hoping for the best.

I'm praying for strength to get through the next 4 tests. Thank God I don't have clinicals like most of the others in class. Having 4 weekends in a row sucked but having 4 days off in a row is quite nice for these last two weeks.

The reward for all my hard work is to take my daughter to Disney for a few days. We are leaving Wednesday the 15th and coming back the 17th...then I get to go to my boyfriend's Christmas party on the 18th. I'm excited. I get to see my very good friend and her family. I was supposed to meet her at Disney in May but she had to cancel when she got diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of April. She has since had a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation. She is coming down to celebrate the end of her radiation and her daughter's birthday. I'm so excited to see her PLUS my boyfriend might actually get to meet them too! He has training class in Orlando the same time I'm there so hopefully when his class is over for the day he can maybe meet up with us and have dinner or something. If all goes well this will be a wonderful, relaxing, laughter-filled mini-break. I'm so excited!

Today was a bad day....

Today was a really bad day. Starting with the oncology video we watched in NC1 was really depressing. I have a lot more of the cancer precursors and stuff than I realized. I will probably end up having some kind of cancer before I die. Then the quiz in Pharmacology. Yes, I'm grateful that she was "nice" enough to let us know ahead of time but I didn't find out till this morning and had an hour to study at lunch. Melinda and I went over the questions at the beginning of each of the 5 powerpoints she posted and luckily one of the questions was directly from it.

I got really mad that she didn't put the trade name on the quiz like she originally said she would. I would've gotten the insulin correct if it said Humalog. That made me mad.

Today I really questioned whether I was cut out for this. I rocked my clinicals this weekend passing meds and everything but this reading and stuff is killing me. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.

I came home and cried for like an hour. I realize 4/6 on a quiz isn't that bad...it's a 66 but it's better than the 0 I probably would've gotten had we had NO notice. It still sucks though. I feel like I'm going to fail this class because she teaches us NOTHING and we're expected to know EVERYTHING. I'm not going to study for it till she gives us the study guide and then I'm going to make flash cards for all the drugs we need to know on Thursday and Friday and have them with me to study during lunch break at clinicals.

Charlie was sweet and came out to see me because I was so upset. He boosted me up when I really needed it. As much as I don't deserve it sometimes he is really good to me. He told me I wasn't going to quit. He knows I can do this and he's not going to let me quit. He said that I was smart enough to learn 60% of the material in an hour and I should be proud of that. I never looked at it that way. He also said that the teacher is trying to test us to see how people handle stress and who is doing the work.

I know I'm not doing the work I need to be doing for that class. I'm trying to do all the med-surg reading and understanding that and it's consuming all my time. I still dont feel like I have all that grasped and we have a test in two days.

I just hate all this work. Fundamentals spoiled me because I didn't have to do nearly as much work then as I do now. It's frustrating because I know that we have to know something about drugs and all that but bottom line is everything is available to us on the computer or in our book when we're at hospital to look up things when we need to. I don't see how knowing that something blocks the HMG-CoA enzyme or whatever is going to mean anything to me. Might as well be written in swahili. I don't understand it and all this technichal mumbo jumbo is over my head. All the teacher does is read the 100+ slides to us....she doesn't explain anything. It's frustrating!

UGH! Well, enough whining. Gotta pull up my big girl panties and suck it up and just do what I have to do to get through it.

I'm in reading purgatory!

I never thought I would have to read SO much in so little time. I had to make up a calendar of everything I had to do and when it was due so I could not feel so overwhelmed. It would've been easier to have an accurate pharmacology syllabus with the right dates on it....I had to piecemeal it together. At least the pharmacology chapters appear to be relatively short and easy to read (only 1 so far though). Med-Surg is NOT so easy to read.

Fundamentals was NOTHING compared to these two classes!

celebrate tonight....then back to it tomorrow

I'm so glad I passed. Got a C on final and B in the class but I'm happy. I went out with some "new" people after class and had fun. It was nice to talk to other people in the class. I love my group members but felt antisocial sometimes.

Tonight my bf took me out to celebrate too. I have one evening of no stress...then it starts back up tomorrow.

I was very glad the final was out of 80 points. I wasn't anticipating so many ethics questions so I missed most of them but I'm glad it was out of 80 questions instead of 50 or I would've failed!

I think tests that are 35 and 40% of your grade should definitely be out of at least 75 questions and preferably 100! That's a lot of pressure in only 50 questions.

I enjoyed Mrs. Zdamelio but sometimes hated coming to class because I felt like we weren't really tested on class material it was more from reading. It almost felt like a waste of time. I liked the nutrition project. I was confused on the reminiscence paper and would've liked to have had an example of what it was supposed to look like or how it was supposed to be written. God bless the learning commons writing center!

Overall I enjoyed the class. I liked the assessment lab but I ish it had eithwer been tacked on to class or lab. I didn't like having to wear my scrubs for 2 hours on a random day when nothing else was going on.

last fundamentals blog

I'm ready for the test to be over. I have the entire day off today and could've gone to St Marks with my daughter on a field trip but chose to stay home and study. Now wishing I would've gone with her since grandpa didn't go. He told her he was and then didn't go. She will be very upset. I have to let it go. I can't fix it now.

I enjoyed my class a lot and learned a ton. I can't believe it's final time already! I'm looking forward to NC I. I'm ready to start doing 2 day clinicals and being busy. Weekends will be different but it is only 4 weeks so not too bad. Wish I could go camping but it will have to wait till Thanksgiving I guess.

I will miss Mrs. Damelio. Not sure when or if she will teach us again but she made it interesting.

Good luck everyone!

Today was probably the hardest day thus far.....

Talking about grief and loss is never a pleasant topic but I felt compelled to share part of my story so that people realize that grief may hit you months....and even years....later. I had a really rough afternoon after I shared today. I know that Maternal/Infant is probably going to be THE TOUGHEST rotation for me. I always wanted 2 kids and to be done by the time I was 30. Well, I didn't have my first till I was 30 (because my now ex-husband took his sweet time deciding when the time was right) and by the time I had my miscarriage and surgery and everything he decided that he "didn't want to go through that again" so we stopped trying. A year later it was over but by then I was 35 which was my absolute cut-off for having a baby because of the greater chance of birth defects.

I told my boyfriend about it and went to see him on his lunch break for some much needed hugs. He is so wonderful and understanding. I wish HE were the father of my child....he's a lot better of a father than the one she has! He was surprised that I shared with everyone but I felt like I needed to. I was actually quite proud of myself that I didn't cry in class....my voice cracked but I held back the tears until I got to my car. Thank goodness it was a shorter class! :)

Yes, I would still love to have another baby because I LOVED being pregnant but it's not an option for me. My boyfriend has 2 children (13 and 7) and is not interested in having any more. At this point, with the kids the ages they are to start over would be a nightmare. They're self-sufficient and it's nice that we can just go do what we want....not to mention that we get a week off every other week to be grown-ups and NOT mom and/or dad. If we had a child together that would be 24/7 and we wouldn't get that time off. If by some miracle it happened then I'm sure we would be fine with it but it's not in the plans. We are not at a place in our lives where we want a baby. I'll just let my friends have them and go love on their babies and give them back for the 3 am feedings and teething and earaches!

I'm sure I will be sharing more stuff when it comes up in class. It does get easier but it's still pretty tough to think about. However, God has a reason and a plan and having another baby was not it at that time. Had I had it I would probably STILL be married and miserable and feeling completely trapped and I DEFINITELY wouldn't be in Nursing School! So...something good came out of my heartache and that's what I need to focus on. I'm a lot better off than I was 3 years ago or 2 years ago or even a year ago. I'm hoping the next 3.5 semesters fly by as quick as this first class did!

Good luck to everyone on clinicals this week and the final next week. I think my objectives keep multiplying in my bookbag. Just when I think I'm done 10 more pages appear I think!